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Welcome to The Pariah - Yesterday's News, Today.



Two days after the new leader of the British Conservative Party was elected in, the World Trade Centre in New York City was suddenly the subject of a gruesome terrorist attack.

Iain Duncan Smith, the bland new face of Old Conservatism, was suddenly dropped from the front page of every British newspaper, when it emerged that, in fact, he is not very important in the greater scheme of things.

Following this bombshell, and at a time of international emergency, he heroically cancelled his victory speeches, putting them off for a few weeks.

But fate is certainly a fickle mistress. Just when IDS was about to mount the podium again, US President George W. Bush and British Premier, Tony Blair, decided that it was exactly the right moment to start bombing Afghanistan - thus stealing the limelight from Mr. Duncan Smith, for a second time. Surely making the Tories the first British political casualties of war.

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Where now for Mr. Duncan Smith? With Blair reaffirming ties with the Americans and unifying British proles with talk of this being 'our war' - what can he do? Fortunately, nothing at all. Since having Tory power thrust upon him, he has been forced to contend with meandering around Downing Street, agreeing whole-heartedly with everything Tony Blair says, whilst grinning inanely at the thought of Foreigners being killed.

And, yet, for all his smiles, Duncan Smith recently remarked: 'There is no future for the Conservative Party in attempting to be more like New Labour'

What someone should have pointed out to IDS is that since the average age of the due-paying Tory is the wrong side of 65, it is quite possible that there is no future for the Conservatives at all.

Like most of its current members, it seems that the Tories are on the verge of extinction.

Duncan Smith also conceded: 'We should not try to out-Blair Blair'.

Presumably, because he already has his heart set on trying to out-Hague Hague.


Duncan Smith: Took over from an uncharismatic, balding, vote loser: September 2001. The World holds it's breath.

Edward Higgins -
Gustavo Lorca -


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