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War Cancelled Due To Poor Ratings

Exclusive from XERXES VARGAS, The Pariah's chief War and Situation Comedy correspondent.

My Two Dads: 38 Million American's can't be wrong

WASHINGTON - REPORTS COMING out of the White House today, suggest that the US Government are seriously considering ending the hostilities in Afghanistan.

In a shock statement today the Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, told the gathered press that the government was reconsidering its position in light of new evidence that has been presented to President George Bush Jr.

It seems that the Afghan war is lagging badly in the viewing figures in the US.

In the last few weeks alone, news coverage of the conflict has been consistantly beaten in the ratings by re-runs of 'My Two Dads' on UPN.

The figures show that this is the least watched conflict that the US has been involved in since the invasion of Grenada in 1983. It was the 'Happy Days' spin off series 'Joni Loves Chachi' which was the real nail in the coffin for the Grenada Conflict.

The President is said to be particularly disheartened because of the high rating figures that the first Gulf War got his father. George Bush Jr's father, George Bush Sr, was thought to have assured him that an attack on one of the middle Eastern states would not only deflect from the debacle of the election, but also serve to legitimise his presidency.

Bush Jr. was said to be 'peeved' that even despite the death of thousands of Afghanistan nationals (using some of the Pentagon's most hi-tech, and TV friendly hardware), he was unable to attract the attention of the US populace.

However, it is not all doom and gloom as the resurgence of the show, 'My Two Dads', has led to a resurgence in the failing career of Greg Evigan (the bearded father, continually sporting python-tight, marble-wash pants, and counterpart to Paul Reiser's more stable, more Jewish character). He is now auditioning for a series of new shows upcoming on the Fox network.

Greg recently told The Pariah: 'People have always enjoyed ''Dads' on a number of levels. Some like the left-field, triangular relationship between a little girl with two, non-gay fathers. And some people watched it because of the sassy, rough-diamond Judge.

'But with the recent re-runs, people have started seeing it in a completely new light' he told us excitedly, pausing only to catch his breath. 'Now they see it as a political parable. A metaphor for the position of the world today. With the world shown as a confused child torn between two paternal, super-powers, at war with one another. Greg continues: 'One is a thoughtful, tie-wearing guy with a good work-ethic and the other is a feckless loon with a beard. Do you see? And that was all intentional'

Greg recalls: 'We had great writers on that show'