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Welcome to The Pariah - Yesterday's News, Today.

In today's increasingly smut-hungry world, there's nothing that the well travelled Pariah likes more than shovelling the shite of their favourite celebrity.

But why is Britain producing the lion's share of these depraved starlets?

The best of Britain's industrial day's may well be behind us, but when it comes down to good old-fashioned grubbiness, were still the World leaders.

It's truely a mystery as to why America, with all the in-bred, skull-faced, idiot, hicks we all like to watch (with clinical interest) on 'Springer', aren't able to come up with a better scandal to cover their tabloids than the Clinton/Lewinski thing.

So, the President shags a girl. Is that really so scandalous?

Lets face it, the American's haven't had a proper - really grubby - criminal celebrity since Roscoe Arbuckle.

Maybe it's because the average American still has a certain amount of misguided respect for their politicians and entertainers. Maybe; but I doubt it.

OK, so in recent years there have been a few American contenders...I couldn't help but laugh at Rob Lowe's futile attempts to get off the civil case brought against him after his videotaped love affair with a 16 year old girl by pleading that he addicted to sex. That was funny. As was Paul 'Pee Wee Herman' Reuben's arrest in the Florida adult entertainment center, in 1991 - when he was caught servicing himself during a showing of 'Naughty Nurses'.

Gondolas in Venice; Actual size=240 pixels wide

Twisted face. Twisted mind?