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A story by Lovejoy. J. Lovejoy

Yes, it's true: people can lose weight.

Said simply like that, it doesn't seem that sensational, really, does it?

So why is it then, that when Vanessa Feltz lost a couple of centimentres around her stomach, she dramatically gained the column inches?

Here's the story then, for anyone who has never read a British tabloid...

Compulent Socialite, and once ardent campaigner for the lady with the fuller figure, Feltz, got dumped by her husband. In the insuing period of abject self-loathing, she decided to lose some of her 'sexy weight', and was geared on by a very expessive personal trainer. Now boyfriend.

Gondolas in Venice; Actual size=240 pixels wide

FELTZ: Looking Buff

British papers have been feeding off this same story for months - plying us all with yet another chance to see Feltz shoe-horned into some illfitting frock. But does anyone actually want to see it?

Does it matter that she's lost weight? Surely, no-one out there can seriously be looking passed the solarium tan and her total disregard for lips?

And does it really have to take a war, before the tabloids realise that there is simply no news here? Nothing for readers to get their teeth into. Articles about Feltz's 'new look' are neither interesting, important or readily palatable. In addition to this, since her mindboggling appearence on 'Celebrity Big Brother' it has been quite apparent that all the talk of her incredible-shrinking-woman feat was clearly, and demonstratably, some kind of new urban myth.

This may all seem a bit strong, but I can't be the only one sick of having her rammed down my throat, like a pair of chubby fingers.